Saturday, January 19, 2013

Goodbye dailies

I'm not sure what to do with this moment.

For so long I said this was going to be a blog for 365 days. I knew I'd go over that limit and I knew I'd continue to write regularly, but I hadn't planned on 366. This morning, while I was asleep in bed and only halfway coherent, I realized that in actuality, 2012 was a leap year. In being a leap year, my proclamation of 365 straight days of blogging was not an accurate account. If I wanted to do a whole year, I'd have to write for 366.

So now I'm at that point.

But now that I look at my day count, knowing that I started writing this blog on January 19, 2012 tells me that I should at least go on writing through January 19, 2013.

Is this all irrational?

Maybe it is, but I never claimed to be rational in the first place.

I think to say goodbye to the daily portion of this blog (or at least a tentative goodbye if I decide to write again tomorrow), I'll say a little bit about what I hope to use it for in the future.

Most of the time when I reflect on The Songs of Spring, it's in terms of the past. This blog has gotten me through some difficult times in my life. It has both screwed up important issues and improved others. It has clarified confusing situations and only made me question myself even more on other occasions.

Sometimes it can be fun to think about all that has happened in a year. To have the chance to consider that and see it in the tangible form of a written account is astounding. I'm amazed with the subjects I came up with, the problems I faced, the information I shared and (sometimes) hid. So much has happened and so much of it is here right before my eyes.

The purpose now, however, is not to look at the past of The Songs of Spring, but to consider what I will use it for in the future.

As I said in an earlier post, it is my plan to at least contribute blogs once a week. I would like to emphasize "at least". Because as much as this responsibility frustrates me at times, I hate that I would force myself to only write once a week. It has become such a valuable experience for me to put my thoughts down in text each day that if I stop doing so and start only sharing frivolous thoughts on Fridays or Saturdays, it may not feel like an accurate representation of myself anymore.

What's most important about this blog for me is being honest about myself. It's not about gaining a readership - and as the entries have come down to the final few the view count has dropped somewhat dramatically - but instead catering to a readership of one. Me. I'm that one.

I may continue writing in a different way. I've toyed with the idea of starting a handwritten journal. They're so romantic and fun to commit to. Unfortunately I never feel like I can adequately (and quickly enough) express myself through my handwriting. So I guess that's out.

I suppose I'm stuck with typing for now - at least until I take a speed writing class or the equivalent technology is invented in the coming years.

But what I wanted to remind anyone of who does take the time to read this blog is that it will never devolve into a simple diary of recounts and stories.

My daily life and my past do factor into it heavily, but I've made it a point in the past year to avoid ever just talking about my day. I will continue to avoid it.

I can't promise I will only write once a week. As I get out of the groove of doing daily blogs, I may still want to write almost every day. It will be hard getting out of the routine of setting aside an hour each night.

I do feel that it is is necessary, though. As much as I'd like to have the time to write each day, it's impossible to keep up with that sort of schedule when you're doing schoolwork and regular work and extracurriculars too. It cuts into precious relaxation time and sleep.

As I'm writing this I can feel myself almost welling up with tears. Walking away from the daily blogs is like saying goodbye to a beloved family member. It feels impossible, but we all eventually have to leave the nest.

Still, I reserve the right to change my mind at a moment's notice.

Because blogging has become a part of my life now. It's not a compulsion that I can ever ignore and I doubt that I will ever give it up.

So maybe you'll see a post from me tomorrow. Maybe even the next day. Or maybe once I'm done with this entry I'll decide to take a brief break (for a week tops).

Either way, I hope some of you continue to have interest in reading it. And I hope that I always have an interest in writing it.

Writing is so important after all. It's what makes me feel like me.

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