I'm feeling overwhelmed. But at this moment it has little to do with actual school. I've been here for about a week, been assigned readings and been warned of quizzes. I am a little worried about jumping into the education pool again without my floaties on, but I think that I'm well-equipped enough to do at least an adequate job in these, the earliest days of winter quarter.
So that's not a problem.
What is the problem, then? Why am I overwhelmed?
It's weird to think about, but I feel as though it's part of human nature - or at least, part of my nature - to constantly find something to fret over. Even if there's not much on my plate - as with this winter - I find something to think about constantly, something to hound my thoughts and keep me on my toes when I'd rather just sit back and watch Gilmore Girls all day (and believe me, I did quite a bit of that).
So to answer the question, I'm overwhelmed because I'm being social.
This is really the only time this quarter that I'll actually be able to hang out with friends and talk to my boyfriend without the constant fear of missing an assignment. Though I'm already running behind on some of my readings, that's a smaller cross that I can bear with fewer ramifications. As the latter part of the quarter sets in - which essentially starts the second or third week - I'm going to be so massively distressed that I doubt I'll have much of a moment to appreciate the company of the people I love like I can now.
On top of everything, I haven't even returned to my work study job yet. That means I have mornings off. I've slept in most mornings this week and stayed up relatively late each night. I blame this partially on the blog-writing, but also just on a general inability to hunker down and actually go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
College does this to me for some reason. I am always looking for ways to spend time away from my room when I can. Today I spent about 30 minutes playing Wii Bowling, then I went to an improv comedy show. This is not an atypical Friday night. I'm glad for it, but I know that it's a fleeting moment in a period of time that will inevitably provoke a lot of stress.
Even taking these few days to enjoy the company of my peers has me a little worried though. In the earliest days of my freshman year of college, I only had one very very good friend. Dana and I went to dinner together every day; we went to plays all the time; we hung out constantly. The commitment to our friendship was good. It made college easier for me.
Once we started adding more friends to our group, the fun increased exponentially. We started doing new things together - dinners around and off campus became more like events; we would plan trips into the city and go to improv shows (like tonight's) together. But with the benefit of new friends comes the responsibility of maintaining those friendships. Which means allotting time.
So this is the weekend that I'm dedicating to friends. I've already spent my Friday night, but tomorrow I will be going into the city and Sunday morning I will be meeting with friends whom I haven't seen for quite a while.
And even though it may sound like I'm griping about my lack of time, to be honest I'm just happy to know that these people even care to let me be in their presence.
I've always been the kind of person who only had one or two best friends. I could only count on a few people to be there for me when I needed them.
In the last few years, I've seen my social circle grow so much. At home and at university, I can call on a much larger quantity of friends than I ever could before - even in high school, which is supposedly one of the most significant times in our lives for socializing and building relationships with our classmates.
It does make me a bit nervous for the coming weeks, especially as I start back up with work in the mornings and have club and "mini-course" work to do in the evenings. It will be a bit of a stretch, and I will certainly feel even more overwhelmed as time passes. But it really is worth it.
And maybe, just maybe, my ever-growing group of friends will be there to brighten my weekends at the culmination of tremendously terrible weeks. Hopefully I can do the same for them.
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