Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Where am I?

It has been over a month since I last wrote in this blog, and that feels sort of inappropriate, seeing as how much has gone in just 30-sum days. What makes this period in my life not worth documenting, whereas in the past I've spent hours upon hours writing blogs about the most insignificant topics?

To catch you up, I'm back at college. It is my final quarter on campus and while I do try to remind myself that one day I will look back on these days fondly, it's been hard not to grow tired of university living.

My classes are going exceedingly well, perhaps for the first time in recorded history. While they may all advertise themselves as time-consuming, drop-it-if-you-can't-handle-it sort of courses, I have not yet been dissuaded.

What I have, however, been dissuaded from, is any attempts at civility with my neighbors. With my friends off campus in an apartment and myself still on campus in a dormitory, I'm surrounded by individuals whom I don't know, yet who know each other. It is lonely, despite being enveloped in perpetual sound.

This is a great metaphor for real life, I think. We often enter the outside world and are forced to abandon our bubbles of introspection. There are so many babbling beings walking the Earth, that even with our iPods in ear, our cell phones in hand and our eyes glued to whatever the closest digital screen may be, we're always surrounded by sound.

As someone who is often struck by the dystopic (god do I hate that word, but I'm using it anyway) nature of loud surroundings, I've had to confine myself lately to my room, blasting all sorts of white noises to keep from going insane. If the sound of someone crunching on a potato chip drives me mildly bonkers, then having someone sporadically cackle down the hallway has become my greatest foe.

Which means, at the moment, I'm balancing between good and bad - the sweetness of a few good hours of classtime studying subjects that don't make me want to rip my brains out, and the perversion of a crowded hallway, inundating my room with the raucous noise of disrespectful peers who never seem to do any work.

Goodness, I sound angry.

Well I guess I am.

Because with this being my last quarter as a true college student, I was hoping to finally have the experience I imagined when I was a high schooler. I dreamed of walking around a beautiful nature-filled campus, alone and in silence, peacefully taking in my surroundings and preparing myself to devote time and thought to work.

Instead I feel how I'm sure many do when they are freshmen, starting out in college: surrounded by people who don't seem to take anything seriously, and don't seem to value the tranquility that I covet.

Perhaps I am misjudging, however when it's 2 am on a weeknight and I hear someone blasting gangster rap, I can't help but feel compelled to believe the stereotype in my mind.

This was a disjointed post, probably because it's been so long since I've written on this poor neglected blog of mine. And whether or not anyone chooses to read my nonsensical thoughts, I'm glad I have this here, to rant and to rave, to lament and to enthuse.

So I'm going to try to use it again, less sparingly.

But for now: Bed... Unless my neighbors decide to run down the hallways screaming for the rest of the evening.

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