Thursday, February 27, 2014

A new adventure begins...

I used to write a blog entry every single day. To some this might be old news. A lot of people I know watched me compose daily essays for The Songs of Spring and perhaps got so used to it that it lost its luster of ingenuity.

For me, it feels like 2012 to early 2013, the years that I spent blogging every day of my life, were just a dream. A figment of my imagination, perhaps. I was such a different person in those days. Not only because I was younger and my life was quite different, but because I was committed to the daily task of practicing my art. I felt really confident in writing. Even composing these sentences now is scaring me - I don't necessarily feel I have the same skill that I did a year and a half ago.

Today, it occurred to me that it's been a month since I last wrote on this blog. Breaking out of the daily habit has made me a slightly lazier writer. After thinking and working hard every single day for a year, I felt I deserved a break. But that break turned into commitment-phobia. I stopped wanting to write because I was worried I'd get back into those old habits. Who wants to beat a dead horse? This blog, after over 365 entries, felt like a dead horse.

But lately I've had some lovely people remind me why it was I started blogging in the first place:

It made me feel good.

That's why we do anything, isn't it? To create happiness in our lives. Indirectly, sometimes. Other times we take on new experiences just because they bring us joy.

Unfortunately, I would say that blogging daily was, on most days, not a happy experience. It was a stress-inducing commitment that put me under undue mental duress. I didn't want to feel compelled to be thoughtful every evening, but I was forced to. Sometimes I got in a post at the very last minute of the day. Other times I'd post it in the wee hours of the morning and still consider it the previous day's entry. It wasn't so much about getting something out of The Songs of Spring, it was about finishing a goal.

I was lucky in that I did learn something from it - I learned how to share my feelings and let go of the inhibitions that I'd had previously. I learned how to write well and not lose my enthusiasm for constructing worthy narratives. Though I was creating essays each day, writing a truly great entry never became any less exciting. So it made me indirectly happy.

Now what is this all leading up to, you might ask.

I would say nothing, but that's a lie.

Because this is a special blog entry.

It didn't have a meaning initially. I definitely came in thinking I just wanted to write something, anything. It didn't matter what that something was. But after sitting here and tapping out a few paragraphs, I've made a decision.

I'm returning to The Songs of Spring. Not in the same way I did in January of 2012, but in a new way. Instead of writing far too much content, or providing it so sporadically that it loses its way, I'm going to be a regular contributor to my own blog.

From now on, there will be at least weekly entries in The Songs of Spring. And if I forget, then there will be at least two entries the following week. And so on and so forth. From February 27, 2014 to February 27, 2015, I will write at least 52 blogs.

This space exists and it deserves to be used. And once I've gotten back into the groove, perhaps there will be things to say again, and I will feel comfortable at the helm of this ship of words once more.

I hope you'll come along for the ride.

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